Hungry?

Two things happened at once. First, my hacker friend called me telling me that the bad guys had refilled their plane and were to take off within the hour ("after hacking into the aviation database, I discovered a standard status log indiciating that the bad guys intended to...bla, bla, bla"). That's not good. Second, Agent Smart has been kidnapped. His last words to me were "You have to follow them yourself, and as soon as they take off. You have to be there when their plane lands. These agents are not to be trusted."

So then I had a decision to make, sit comfortably in captivity, or try to disarm three government agents and a pilot, and then fly the plane myself. I chose the latter of the two (I'll let you decide whether or not I'm still sane). So I got up from the rear and walked to the front of the plane. The three goverment agents instantly walked up to me and asked if anything was the matter. I didn't answer. Instead, I just stared off into space. Cocentrating, focusing my energy on the task at hand. Envisioning myself standing with the other four lying unconscious on the ground. Then, as quickly and as swiftly as I could muster, I did one of those cool double kicks at the guy in front of me, and was caught by the guard behind me, this I used to my advantage by pushing myself off of him and into the third guard. And there I was, standing in the middle of all three of them, just like I envisioned, except for one problem; they were all still standing, shaking their heads and staring at me. Then one of them got a call.

"This is the President speaking," the voice said, "I don't know what in the world is going on, but release Vanderdecken12 and Agent Smart. They are to follow the enemy combatants. Get off this plane and let them get back to work."

"But sir, Agent Aleck Smart has escaped." said the guard.

"That is understandable, and forgivable. Try to find him."

"Sir, he has been kidnapped." I cut in.

"By whom?"

"By the agents that were supposed to replace us."

"I never sent any replacements."
"That would explain a lot, sir." I nodded, regardless of the fact that he couldn't see me.

"Well, stop standing there, you three, go find Agent Smart's captors. And Vanderdecken12, sorry for the inconvenience."

"Sir, there is not much time." I said as the agents got off the plane, "my source says that they will be taking off very soon."

"Then you must hurry. But first we must find Aleck Smart."

"No, sir. I don't think there's enough time for him. He said himself to leave without him."

"Fine, do what you must. But wait! What do you mean, 'source'?"

"A friend of mine, he's a computer whiz."

"What is his name?"
"I'm afraid he'd rather not have it known."

"Then I cannot authorize your flight."

"Fine, it is Ben."

"Does he have a last name?"

"No,"

"What kind of excuse is that?"
"Fine, his name is Ben Simmons."

"Good, now good luck."
"Are you going to arrest Ben?"

"No, he is on our side, as far as I can tell. He will not even know that I know his name."

"Well, actually, I have this blog..." I began, and then the President hung up.

"Hey pilot! Begin takeoff, please. Follow the plane that is about to launch. Why are you laughing?"

"Because the only things saving you from danger have just left the plane."
"What's going on?"

"You will never walk off this plane." He pulled out another one of those "blow you to pieces harmlessly guns".

"Why are you doing this."

"Hungry."

"Hungry? No, I just ate, thanks."

"No, HUNGRY. H-U-N-G-R-Y. Stands for 'Healthful Usurpers of Nutrionless Goods to Replace with Yams'. We are against all things which will destroy humankind's metabolism and health."

"Like giant cookies?"

"Exactly like giant cookies."

"But the world is hungry. What you are doing will starve humans everywhere!"

"That argument is irrelevant."

"Irrelevant? How!"

"I will not listen to your propoganda. Prepare to be blown to pieces. Any last words?"

"Yes, why yams?"

And then, bursting through the door, just as the pilot pulled the trigger was Aleck Smart. He jumped into my way and was hit with the missle yet again. He burst into eight separate piece. "Get him now!" he yelled as his head rolled toward the back of the plane. I jumped on the pilot before he could reload. I grabbed him and yanked his arms off in a feat of strength that could only have occured from the adreneline rush I had expereience from nearly being shot. "Take...off...now." Aleck said again, this time from the far back of the plane.

I picked up the phone and called Ben (Yes, that is his real name).

"How do I fly a plane?" I asked.

"How should I know?"

"Google search it or something."

"Okay..."

I grabbed at some of the levers and started yanking them. The plane suddenly lurched forward. I pulled back at the lever and the plane slowed down suddenly. Aleck's head came flying from the back of the plane due to the momentum and landed on the dashboard. "I will tell you how..." he said, "just don't touch anything."